What's In A Name? Maybe More Than You'd Like

Thursday, 28 January 2010 , 0 Comments

There’s a scene in the movie “Office Space” in which Michael and Samir are having a conversation that goes like this:

MICHAEL
"At least your name isn't Michael Bolton."

SAMIR
"Michael, there's nothing wrong with that name."

MICHAEL
"There was nothing wrong with it. Until I was about nine years old and that no-talent assclown became famous and started winning Grammys."

SAMIR
"Well, why don't just go by Mike, instead of Michael?"

MICHAEL
"WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS."

This poor guy can’t go anywhere without someone making a crack about his name. Too bad he didn’t become a singer and take advantage of the coincidence.

Joe Walsh is using the song “Walk Away” for his Illinois congressional campaign. Didn’t know Walsh was running for congress? Well he is. Only, this Joe Walsh is not that of Eagles, James Gang and solo career fame. That Joe Walsh is claiming copyright infringement and insisting his namesake stop using the song in his campaign

How can they have the same name? They don’t even look much alike. On Facebook alone there are more than 500 members named Joe Walsh. One of them has got to play guitar and be in a band. While the famous Joe is no “assclown” in my book, do the average Joes get asked if they’re former hell raisers and did they used to trash hotel rooms? If you saw the name Joe Walsh on the marquis of your local club would you ask for proof of which Joe is performing or would you just go buy the tickets?

How about the late Anna Nicole Smith being represented by attorney Howard Stern. He added to his fame by appearing on the reality show The Anna Nicole Show. He further added to it by being indicted in Los Angeles along with Smith’s doctor for the crime of prescribing, dispensing and administering controlled substances to an addict. Of course this isn’t the famed bad boy and “King of All Media”, Howard Stern. The former started using his middle initial so that he’d be known as Howard K. Stern to eliminate being confused with the latter. This is to the best of knowledge and ironically the only case of two namesake celebs who would rather not be confused with the other.

There are 44 Ozzy Osbourne’s listed on the Facebook. How can that be? Let me tell you, you walk into a party and introduce yourself as Ozzy Osbourne and you’ve got a conversation on your hands. Hey, if your name is Ozzy Osbourne, it’s Ozzy Osbourne. So be it. Do you think however, if your name is Ozzy Osbourne and you walk into a party and introduce yourself as the Prince of Darkness, you might get served papers instead of a drink?

There’s an episode of Seinfeld in which Elaine dates a guy name Joel Rifkin. If you’re too young for that name to ring a bell, A Joel Rifkin was a serial killer on the prowl in New York City from 1989-1993. Not wanting others thinking she’s dating a serial killer, Elaine tries to get the poor dude to change his name. She suggests Ned, Remy, Ellis, Deion and O.J (ironically this episode aired about six months prior to the murder of “The Juice’s” estranged wife). I wonder if any of the other 13 Joel Rifkins on Facebook have ever been persuaded to change their name?

And then sometimes it works in the opposite fashion. There are a hundred-plus Facebook returns for the name Gordon Sumner. Many of them cleverly use the photo of their celebrity namesake in their profiles. And while there is a Joe Sting on the site, there is but only one Sting. Think it’s really him? If so, we have three friends in common!

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